I planned to drop a blog post on 12/31/20 at 11:59pm. Yeah I realize that no one but me would know. Still there was going to be something so satisfying about sending off 2020 with a SEE YA post. But it was still 2020 and I was on call so that post didn’t drop as planned. Life and work happened and so instead of sending off the year with words I welcomed 2021 with the vigorous cries of the New Year’s bab(ies) One and Two. Healthy, beautiful and right on time.
Last night mirrored what I believe about life – it’s 50/50. You have to have the bad to recognize the good. Life isn’t about always being happy but about being human. Experiencing the full breadth of our emotional lives is one of the things I’ve been working on this past year and boy have I had lots of opportunities. As I reflect back though I realize that while my mind ninja skills have improved, I’m still using food to tolerate certain emotions in my life. 2020 in fact has been tolerable because I’ve still been turning to sugar or overeating or eating off plan. Just little hits of dopamine to keep me going.
For 2021 my goal is find out what is on the other side of my life if I give up my false sense of security. For me, buffering has become less about reacting to pain but avoiding the unknown. I don’t know what is on the other side of my life because I can still use food to tolerate the world. For 2021 I want a bigger life and that means saying SEE YA to the buffering and hello to what else is out there. I will have to resist less and allow more. I have to be willing to accept the messy, hard, painful reality in order to experience the joy, adventure and awe in this world.
What are you tolerating in your life because you have food to help you through? As long as you continue to buffer you will continue to avoid your whole human experience. As long as you use food to block out pain you will also be blocking out growth, success and possibility. Learn to allow all of the emotions and see just how big your life can become. Let’s take this journey together.
Happy New Year!